Thursday, November 3, 2011

Caftan Woman vs. Garbage Truck

"Take That!" by Janet C. Hall

November got off to a flying start. My lingering cold had progressed from the "cuddled under a quilt on the couch with chicken soup watching Bend of the River" phase to the "need more moisture laden tissue and pizzazz in my life" phase. I can think of no better way to add pizzazz than to mix club soda with orange-tangerine juice (it's pizzazz on a budget). The grocery store is only two and a half blocks from home, but who knows what else I might pick up so I took my cart aka bundle buggy to pick up the necessaries.

Middle-aged women who take a cart to pick up two items at the store are notoriously cautious pedestrians. I had finished the first half block on the return home south on Royal York Road and stopped at Van Every noting the garbage truck stopped at the crosswalk and the worker loading garbage. The truck was stopped. I assumed the driver had seen me because isn't being aware of your surroundings part of the driver's job? I calmly started through the crosswalk. I was in front of the truck when I realized it had started and was moving!! Moving!! I shouted. I started to run in a loop out into the street. Middle-aged women who take a cart to pick up two items at the grocery store are not noted for their swiftness. I don't believe I have ever been more frightened. I think I heard people on the street shouting. I'm not certain what alerted the driver, but as the truck struck my back it stopped. I went flying and tried to dig a hole in Royal York Road with my face. I didn't lose consciousness. I was crying. I was bleeding. My cart was totaled. I hate to think that that would have been me if I hadn't brought the cart along, but I can't stop thinking about it.

Good Samaritans abounded. One fellow got napkins from the nearby (Gavin's favourite) pizza restaurant for the blood. My new friend Crystal turned her car to stop oncoming traffic and phoned my daughter Janet, two blocks away blithely working on her art. (Janet will be attending the art program at Sheridan College in January. Her goal is animation.)

The police arrived to take the accident report. The Emergency Medical Services arrived with the ambulance.

EMS guy: "So, how straight was your nose this morning?"
Me: "What the Hell?!"

The Emergency Room at St. Joseph's Hospital was very crowded. Nothing but patients in neck braces on boards as far as the eye could see.

Me: "Is it like this every garbage day?"

Our admitting nurse was competent and funny. Hubby thinks she's cute.

Janet: "You have Stephen Fry's nose."
Me: "What's he breathing with?"

CT scan. Full body x-ray. Only issues are slight fracture of the nose and abrasions on the forehead that did not need stitches after all. I had been looking forward to the Frankenstein look. I have a dressing on my forehead, two blackened and bruised eyes - and it's tough to have a cold when your nose has a slight fracture, even if you do have moisture laden tissue.

My friends, in the words of Sgt. Phil Esterhaus on Hill Street Blues: "Be careful out there".

Caftan Woman aka The Luckiest Gal in the World


  1. Oh, poor baby! Gotta watch those rogue garbage trucks. I hope you fell better soon!

  2. Thanks, FlickChick. I move very slowly when I move at all. Seeing an ENT guy on Monday.

  3. That is horrifying, but thank goodness you've survived to tell the tale. I hope you heal quickly--both your injuries AND that pesky cold!

  4. Hate to laugh, but jeepers, you write well.

    So sorry about your Incident. I hope you heal well and soon. What an awful thing to happen.

    Love that cartoon of the Intrepid Lady punching out the garbage truck. Well done, Janet.

    Take care.

  5. Oooh, oooh...ouch, ouch! Goofball, you scared me :(
    How amazing are you to find the funny, I need a few more days.

  6. I love everything about this, especially the part where you're OK.

  7. Oh my goodness, C.W. Jeez. But hey, as we all like to say around here - it could definitely have been worse.

    Still, my heart goes out to you. What a lucky escape. Do heal quickly and feel better soon.

  8. I'm glad you laughed, Jacqueline.

    Janet says "thanks". She thinks you're cool.

  9. Wimseybynature, every family needs another legendary story. I just didn't expect to provide one!

  10. Yvette, I'm less sore today, but I look a lot worse. Would have been perfect for Hallowe'en, but no, I had to wait until the next day.

  11. omg!!! (this is rebecca) glad to hear you are (basically) ok!! i am so upset with that garbage man >:[!!

    we're all worried about you now, again, glad to hear you're safe. :)

  12. Rebecca (I recognized your voice, ha-ha), thanks for both your anger and your good wishes. My best to the family. I am recovering nicely, but I don't know what Gavin will think of my black eyes when he sees me this weekend. I have a feeling he won't be pleased.

  13. Ohmygoodness, I'm so sorry to hear about your fight with the garbage truck..

    Get Well Soon!

  14. Dawn, I had an angel on my shoulder that day. Again the lesson is learned to never take anything for granted.

  15. A good sense of humor in the face of life's calamities is a marvelous thing! So glad that you are going to be OK in the long run, although the short run has been no fun at all! Hope you are feeling better each and every day.

    Take good care, and as I mentioned the other day, watch lots of Westerns while you recuperate! :)

    Best wishes,

  16. Laura, I am taking your advice to heart. Reveled in "My Darling Clementine" and "Comanche Station". Taking a break tonight for "The Invisible Man" on TCM.

    I don't want life to be a tragedy.

  17. Caftan Woman: you have to stop running into Garbage Trucks, it scares the drivers.

    Glad you're Ok and able to write with such humor about something that must have been so painful and scary.

    You're my kind of Dame. Here's looking at you kid.

  18. YIKES! Caftan Woman, thank God you weren't as badly hurt as you could have been! *GULP!* We of Team Bartilucci are so sorry this happened to you, but we're also relieved and thankful that you're alive and home to tell the tale. I for one applaud your ability to find the funny in your ordeal, including Janet's very funny art (there's gallows humor everywhere if you know where to find it, I always say :-)).

    Vinnie says: "Two words. Law. Suit." Lawyer up, C.W.; don't let them get away with this! In the meantime, rest up as much as you can, and feel better soon! You're in our thoughts and prayers, my friend!

  19. Yes, RC Ocean, I shall heed your words of wisdom.

    From our first days on the IMDb I knew you were a right guy.

  20. I am not a litigious sort of person, but my youngest sister is asking a lawyer friend about the incident. If nothing else, they should replace my cart!

  21. Also, Dorian, thanks for the good thoughts from Team Bartilucci. They mean a lot.

  22. "If nothing else, they should replace my cart!"

    They should replace your nose.

  23. CW,
    I hope you are currently cuddled up and watching a great old film while recovering nicely.
    We need you back in good health.
    Take care of your adorable self.

  24. Oh my goodness, I had no idea! While your sense of humor is clearly intact, a broken nose is absolutely no fun at all. I should know, I wrote about my own one a while back. Please feel better soon.

  25. I did have to skip to the end to make sure you were OK. Then I was able to go back to the beginning and read what happened. Very glad you are doing OK. Please get well soon. We're all pulling for a quick recovery.

  26. Page, I've become overwhelmingly weepy about Christmas movies. When Gavin went back to his group home leaving his tapes all over the place, I watched "Jiminy Cricket's Christmas" - on purpose. I would like to say the rest of the family smiled indulgently, but they outright laughed. I seek comfort where I can find it.

  27. Siren, thank you for sharing your experience, in your typically amazing fashion, and your good wishes. Now that the swelling has gone down it's more Stephen Fry lite, with a slight lean to the right. The ENT guy said, if you don't like it we can pop it back, but I didn't particularly like the sound of that. I'll wait and live with it for a while. It might not be so bad once I can put on my glasses without wincing.

  28. Thanks, Kevin. I am recovering well and can once again climb stairs on two legs instead of crawling on four limbs. I don't need a cane to get around (any more). The black eyes are subsiding and I no longer look like a guy in the penalty box on Hockey Night in Canada.

  29. Caftan Woman, just checking on your progress. All of us here at Team Bartilucci H.Q. hope you're healing up without any complications! We're continuing to send our good thoughts and prayers and other good-luck rituals your way!

  30. Thanks to Team B for the good wishes. I'm feeling well enough to venture out to choir rehearsal tonight. I missed last week! Our Christmas concert is less than a month away, and I have to get a Handel on things. (Forgive me!)

  31. You handle Handel like nobody handles Handel. And your Delius-delirious!

  32. Your story is horrifying and hilarious. I hope all heals well.
    The quotes had me rolling! That emergency technician didn't sound very comforting, offering to pop your nose back and everything.

    Best wishes to you,


  33. Thanks a lot, Java. I don't saw "ow" as often when I move nowadays, and I think the small scars on my forehead give me character.


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